Hallooo!

I bet Jake's been going on about how brilliant he is at maths - let's get one thing straight: I taught Jake everything he knows about maths (but that's not saying much - teeheeeee!)

The problem with Jake is that I reckon he cheats...but if you ever challenged me at a Puzzle I'd promise to play fair and square - especially in Tangrams... fair and square...shapes...geddit?!...I am extremely hot on mental arithmetic (years of retail therapy for frocks has been great training). I do get in a pickle over my times table and placing numbers on a line...but that doesn't mean I don't know the odd trick or two... so be warned!

Some people say I look like Britney Spears and last week I learnt all the words off her new album.. I did! I sang them too until Mum told me to shut up 'cos I was setting the dog off. In fact I am so pleased with my new dance routine I'm going to do it at Kareoke, it's got to better than Jake, Lawrence Wormold, Alan Pusey and Derek Biles all doing Robbie Williams' 'Millenium' last week.

Jakiepoos and I have been good friends since I was seven and he was six...his mum (who looks like Marge Simpson) and my mum met when they burped at a Tupperware party (you have to burp the lids silly!). Anyway, I think that's where they met and Jake and I have stayed friends ever since apart from the time he got us thrown out of the Sealife Centre because his dolphin impressions were upsetting the killer whales.

Jake thinks he is Liam Gallagher and he will keep singing the first line of Wonderwall (he doesn't know anymore) I got so fed up hearing it one day I stuffed my lucky dongle into his guitar - that soon put a stop to his catawalling.

My most embarrassing moment was being with Jake at the top of the London Eye when he was sick (he had just had two big Macs and three chocolate milkshakes).

My best moment was when Ronan Keating kept saying my name at the Brit Awards - at least I think he did, it was 'Jess this' and 'Jess having a laugh' and 'Jess brilliant to be here'. Ooh I nearly fainted.

My ambitions are: to be a Top Model, have Carol Vorderman's job on 'Countdown' or be the first Woman on the Moon.